I recently watched a dad try to coach his daughter while fishing. He started out calm and gently showed her what to do and what not to do. As she tried unsuccessfully to emulate what he demonstrated, the dad became annoyed. While he kept his temper in check, he impatiently pointed out her errors and continued to demonstrate the correct technique. What started out as an endearing moment soon became an enduring moment for the daughter.

Think about what causes such a coaching moment for kids or adults to turn sour. It might be a leader offering a coaching tip that feels more like a lecture. When this happens, it shows in the face of the person being coached. It might be the look of dejection, aggravation, and/or frustration. On the other hand, when the coaching tip is presented as warm, sincere guidance that still allows the individual to kind of figure things out for him or her self, the look is usually one of determination, confidence and sometimes even admiration or appreciation for the person doing the coaching.

When you offer guidance or coaching, what does the look on the face of the person you are coaching say? Does it say you're on the right track as a leader or does it say you might need to rethink the way you offer guidance?

• Remember that the quickest and easiest way to get your end result is not necessarily the best learning experience for the person being coached. Even though it will probably take more time and effort to do the coaching instead of giving direction, you are making an investment in the future. When coaching is done right, the person is better equipped to make independent decisions successfully in the future.
• When providing guidance, offer options whenever possible. This allows the individual to have some ownership in the decision-making process and encourages critical thinking.
• When teaching others what you know think about how you are presenting the information and how it is being received. Is your method too much like a lecture, or does it encourage the feeling of competence, confidence and success? Break information down into smaller segments capitalizing on the individual's natural talents so that he or she can experience a series of small successes.

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