The TV show American Idol could serve as lessons for coaching. If you follow the show you know that each of the judges has a different style of providing feedback. Randy Jackson is honest and direct, but delivers his message as gently as possible. Paula Abdul looks for something positive to say, she accentuates any good traits while still being honest about the areas she thinks could use improvement. And then... there’s Simon Cowell. He is usually polite in his tone of voice, yet “down and dirty” with his message.

While the diversity in their styles is part of the show's appeal, it is probably also true to life. I’d be willing to bet that your organization has a Randy, a Paula, and even a Simon. Chances are that people respond to the three individual styles very differently. From this we can learn that, as leaders, it might make sense to adjust our coaching style to the person we are coaching. I am not suggesting that the variance needs to be as drastic as those of the three Idol judges, but that we consider the individual and what he or she may be needing at the moment. At the extreme end, there are times when a Simon Cowell style may be in order. By the way, have you ever noticed how most contestants REALLY want to hear something positive from Simon? We might think about the reason for that!

Having people respect your coaching feedback requires a real balance. You certainly don’t want to destroy them with honesty, but you do want them to know that they can count on you to tell the truth. While Simon has been downright heartless on occasion, he has also been known to apologize when he has “misbehaved.” In addition, I have seen him admit that he was wrong. He may not be the most well-liked judge, but I think the traits mentioned above have earned him respect.

One of my favorite Simon Cowell moments is when he decides to ask contestants how they think they did. More often than not, this question prompts a response about an improvement to be made. Sometimes the person confidently says, “I did well” or “I feel good about my performance.”

This gives Simon an opportunity to explain why he disagrees. Right or wrong, it certainly gives the participant something to think about. For all of his faults, when it comes to providing feedback, Simon often (not always) gives specific reasons for his opinion.

By asking the person to self-assess and by giving specific feedback (on both good and not-so-good) performances, we can do a service to those we coach.

What do your mentees think of you as a coach? Do they trust and respect the feedback you provide?

Click this link to learn more about the book The Leadership Secrets of Santa Claus. It offers solid strategies for “Getting Big Things Done in Your Workshop All Year Long.” The “Find Out Who’s Naughty and Nice” chapter relates nicely to the topic of this newsletter.